Emmett's Dinner Jokes
by XMiss NocturneX
Summary: Emmett's jokes from dinner with the Cullens in Making It Work
1. Emmett's Dinner Jokes

**AN: **_This is the outtake of the welcome home dinner._

**EmPOV**

If they wanted to hear jokes, I would give them jokes.

"Hey, _Eddie. _What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?"

"I don't know. Franken-duck?" Really? That's the best he could come up with? Bella decided to put her two-sense in.

"What the heck, Eddie? I'm starting to question why Rose is with you. It's Count Duckula, genius," she said.

"How did you know that?"

"Because Emmy used that joke on me all the time growing up simply because I liked to play with rubber ducks." It was time for more jokes.

"I'm not even going to really ask your guys' answers anymore. What does a vampire fear most?"

"Tooth decay"

"This one's for you, Carlisle."

"Oh, dear God," he moaned.

"Why did Dracula go to the dentist? He had a fang-ache."

"Where did the vampire open his savings account?"

"At a blood bank"

"Oh, Bella this so you. What does a baby bat say before going to bed?" She actually snorted.

"Turn on the dark. I'm afraid of the light!"

"What is Transylvania?"

"Dracula's terror-tory"

Jazz-man, this is all you. "Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with?" I smirked when he choked on his water.

"The girl necks door."

"What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?"

"Can't you count Dracula!"

"Esme, you're up. Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?"

"Because he likes to draw blood!" She rolled her eyes at me!

"What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?"

"A blood hound!"

"What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day ?"

"A coffin break!"

"What's a vampire's favorite drink?"

"A bloody Mary!"

"This one has gotta be me. What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone?"

"A fangster!"

"Why are vampire families so close?"

"Because blood is thicker than water!"

"How do you join the Dracula fan club?"

"Send your name, address and blood group!"

"Bella, you again. Why was the young vampire a failure?"

"He fainted at the sight of blood!"

"What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?"

"A bite in shining armor!"

"What does the postman deliver to vampires?"

"Fang mail!"

"Here you go, Ali-baby. What do romantic vampires do?"

"Neck!"

"Rose this one is yours. What does a vampire say to the mirror?"

"Terror, terror on the wall...!"

"What is a vampire's favorite film character?"

"Batman!"

"Why do people hate being bitten by vampires?"

"Because it's a drain in the neck!"

"If a snowman marries a vampire, what will they name their first child?"

"Frostbite."

"Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?"

"He has a bat temper."

"Okay, here's one for you dad. Why are vampires like false teeth?" Ha, he's already glaring.

"They all come out at night."

**AN: **_As I said before, this was re-written in the story line. As you can tell, I didn't really change much about it. I was simply bored while I was waiting for my kid to get home from school. _

_Yes, I'm in a new relationship. We've been together almost a year. He's has a 12 year old daughter. So, as you can see, my muse is back with me.  
_


	2. Please Read

**AN:** _So I've decided to re-write both Emmett's Shopping List and Emmett's Dinner Jokes. I'm not going to change the actual words or anything, but I'm going to write it as outtakes from the story based in Emmett's POV simply to get a feel of what the hell Emmett was thinking. I'm also going to be doing at least one outtake for Making It Work. However, I'm not going to tell you what it is. And I am working on the sequel contrary to popular belief. So, expect something from that as well. I do so love getting reviews for everything I post. It gives me a little bit of insight into my fans._

**WARNING:** _This is to give you fair warning ahead of time. I seem to have lost my brain-mouth filter since I wrote Making It Work. I.E. I cuss a lot in whatever I'm righting. It's not meant to be offensive, just being, well, me. I hope you can deal with my dirty, sarcastic mouth long enough to read the stories that I get a lot of response for._


	3. Author's Note

AN: So, my Facebook page is officially a go. As of right now there is not much on there. However, I will be updating you all on the stories there. I also have a friend who is going to do some Photoshop work for the stories. Feel free to come by and check it out. I am on Facebook more than anywhere else. Ask questions, comment, etc. I promise I am working on the stories.

www dot facebook dot com/pages/XMiss-NocturneX-FanFictionnet/191726780892240


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